The Week Everyone Hated Okumura Rin
by InfinitePanicAttacks33
Summary: Rin had always been known for his strange talent of attracting trouble. Wherever he went, he was always bound to be caught in the middle of a situation that may have not even been entirely his fault. Even so, this time things have gone too far… Rated T for language and suggestive innuendo. (cover image belongs to whoever drew it) (Hiatus)
1. And the Nightmare Begins

"Fuck. My. Life."

Okumura Rin smacked his face against his bedroom wall, causing a very impressive-looking bump to begin forming atop his forehead. Still, he fought on, cursing his life relentlessly for what had been half an hour and nearly fainting from what would surely amount to a concussion. One could say that this was part of the reason he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

Not only was he murdering his brain cells, but he was doing it using a perfectly valid explanation. Being? His life was nearing it's awful end.

* * *

**_Two hours prior to Rin's existential crisis-_**

_The day had been a bright, if not slightly boring, Tuesday and Rin was feeling pretty good about himself. Food was great, the birds were chirping, and had he not mentioned he was going to meet Sheimi for a date later on? Well, her exact words had been "friendly outing", but to Rin that was basically the same thing. Obviously the phrase "friendly" was a shy way of saying that she wanted to have his children. _

_Rin sighed, merrily making his way past the famous school fountain. Life was good. Or so it was until…_The Awkward Circumstance _happened. _

_The half-demon had been innocently skipping along, when he heard a rustle followed by an unmanly giggle coming from the bushes. Now, a normal person would probably have shook it off and walked away, but Rin, being the lovable freak of nature that he was, did no such thing. Instead he decided to sneak up on the person behind the bushes, thinking foolishly that it was Sheimi stalking him due to him being so irresistibly erotic. _

_Rin tiptoed past the fallen leaves, seeing a familiar pink head over the rows of red flowers. By the time he processed that Sheimi's hair was in fact blonde, it was too late. _

_His hands were already over Shima's eyes, the owner of them sing-songing, "Guess who!" before he could tell his lips to stop moving. _

"_Oh! I know! You're that sexy waitress from the noodle joint, aren't you?" Shima smirked, licking his lips and leaving Rin utterly disgusted. "I knew you couldn't hold back much longer."_

"_Yuck!" Rin pulled back, gagging on his own spit. "I don't want to know about your sex life, you pervert!"_

"_Rin? Why'd you sneak up on me like that?" Shima stopped, eyes widening with a ground-breaking realization. "Wait, don't tell me…are you?.."_

"_I'm not gay!" _

_Shima shook his head, a lewd expression taking over his features. This only served to scare the poor half-demon even further. "Rin, you don't have to keep hiding your true self. It's nothing to be ashamed of. As a matter of fact, I know some people who would be quite pleased getting their way with you. If you want I could give them a call and-"_

"_No thanks." By this point, Rin's face was a deep cherry red, something that only reinforced Shima's belief that he was interested in the same sex even more. Trying to change the conversation, Rin hastily spoke again. "So, what are you doing here anyway? Were you looking for something?"_

_Shima's Cheshire grin returned. "More like looking _through _something." He handed Rin a magazine that he previously hadn't noticed in his hand. "Want to take a peek?"_

_Just as he was about to inspect the front cover, Rin's phone beeped, quickly catching his attention. "It's Sheimi! I have to meet her in five minutes!"_

"_Sheimi? What's she want to see _you_ for?" Shima tried to read the text the cheerful blonde had sent._

"_I'll tell you later!" Rin burst out of the bushes, superhuman speed on throttle. "I've got to go!"_

"_Wait! You still have my…" Shima sighed, seeing that Rin was already past hearing distance. "Good thing I have a copy."_

* * *

_The weird looks he received didn't go unnoticed by Rin. It was as if the whole school had suddenly seen him for what he really was; a demi-demon. Rin lowered his pace to a fast-walk, wanting to seem neither too enthusiastic for the meeting nor too uncaring. Still, he could feel all eyes on him, following his every step as he tread through the True Cross campus. Was he wearing a kick-me sign or something?_

_Rin glanced at a particularly loud group of girls whispering and pointing in his direction. One of them caught his eye and glared...covering her chest? _

"_Whatever," he grumbled. All he cared about now was getting to Sheimi. Even the thought of the kind-hearted girl made him fly to cloud nine. Speaking of which…_

"_Rin!" Rin caught sight of Sheimi, waving him over from a distance. Instantly, his grin grew even wider, not even faltering when he saw that Izumo and Paku would also be joining them. _

_In mere seconds, he quickly forgot about all the strange (and sometimes hormonally-crazed) looks he'd been getting, and headed straight for the three girls. _

"_Sheimi!" Rin ran up the path, his excitement for the day to point of bursting. He stopped when he was right in front of his source for all the joy. "Are you ready to go to dinner? Yukio told me about this great seafood place nearby! Though, it's surprising that _that_ spotty four-eyes would ever know considering all he does is study. Pah, last time I saw him he had his face buried in a physics textbook!"_

_Rin stopped short, seeing that none of his friends had moved. Quite the opposite actually, they had stiffened the moment he started talking. Taking a closer look, he saw that every one of them was gaping at him, open-mouthed and wide-eyed. Was his tail showing?_

_Rin double-checked that it was still tucked around his waist only to find that it was. Then if that wasn't what had bothered them…what was? _

_Breaking out from her stupor, Sheimi put a hand over her mouth, eyes still the size of flying saucers. She took a step back, wanting to get away from the boy as fast as possible. _

"_Sheimi?" Rin frowned, attempting to get closer to his shell-shocked friend. What was up with her? "Are you ok-"_

_Before he could finish what he had intended to say, Rin got thrown to the floor by an angry and red-faced Izumo. _

"_Get away from us, you sicko!" If she screamed any louder, Rin suspected all of Japan would wonder why a teenage banshee was interrupting their morning. Instead, she succeeded in catching the attention of anyone in a hundred-foot radius. Meaning? The spotlight was now entirely on Rin._

_How wonderful._

"_What are you thinking, going out in public with that?" Izumo grabbed Paku's hand, dragging both her and Sheimi away from the poor and confused boy. "Come on Paku! We don't need that magazine corrupting your innocence!" _

_Magazine..? _

_Rin furrowed his eyebrows, and looking down, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets at what he saw. He finally understood why everyone had been looking at him as if he'd punched their grandmother._

_Because resting right beneath the palm of his hand, there was Shima's magazine…his very, VERY dirty "alone time" magazine. _

_Realizing this, Rin immediately jumped to his feet, chasing after the three girls. "Wait! Its not what you think!"_

_Izumo turned around, blocking the scared Sheimi and Paku from Rin's sexually-depraved eyes. In that moment, she reminded him of a mother guarding her children from something evil. It was not a good sign._

"_We don't need your excuses!" Izumo spat. "Now go lock yourself up in the Kleenex factory and leave us alone!"_

"_But Izumo-" Rin was practically begging with the tamer to listen. The last thing he wanted was for her to add him to her list of male predators. _

"_Don't call me Izumo! It's Kamiki-san to you!" _

"_But…" Rin's lip trembled, giving him a heartbroken puppy-dog expression. Hardly something a person would wear if they were guilty of reading through erotica magazines. "I thought we were friends?"_

"_I don't befriend perverts," Izumo scoffed, glowering at Rin. "And here I was thinking you were so kind for letting me use your shirt when you were probably just trying to make a move!"_

_Rin started to sweat, now surrounded in a circle of classmates. All of them were shaking their heads, even the guys. _

"_It-it wasn't like that!" Rin wiped his hands on his jeans, stuttering like a maniac. "This magazine isn't mine! It's Sh-Shima's!" _

_Sheimi cowered behind Paku's shoulder, making it dawn on Rin that he was waving the evidence of his supposed sick mind in her face. He promptly dropped it on the ground. _

_Bad move. Where previously he'd been blocking people's view of the magazine with his hand, it was now on the floor for all to see. And boy, was it quite a sight. _

_Shocked gasps and mutters bubbled from the masses, enclosing Rin inside a cage of insults and disgusted teenagers. A shit-storm aimed directly at the cerulean-eyed boy was about to go down, and he was stuck right in the middle of it. Literally. _

_This was no longer a fight for Sheimi's love. No, the stakes had now risen higher than ever. This was war. _

"_Oh, so now you're telling me that you and Shima are sharing porn together?!" Izumo referred to Rin's previous statement. _

"_No! It's not that either! What happened was-" _

_Rin was once again shut down by the purple-haired girl and her louder-than-a-bullhorn screeches. _

"_No! I don't want you poisoning the mind of these two children any longer!" Izumo (or should we say, Kamiki-san) grabbed the hands of Paku and Sheimi. "Come! Let's leave before Rin plagues you with his sexual desires!" _

_Said boy fell to his knees, latching on to Izumo. "Please! Kamiki-San, just let me explain!"_

"_Let go of me!" Izumo mercilessly shoved Rin to the side, kicking dust in his face and stomping down the trail, dragging his true love with her. _

"_Wait!" As an act of desperation, Rin caught a certain blonde's gaze and fell to his knees. "Sheimi, you believe me don't you? You'll listen to what I have to say?"_

_The way Rin's eyes shone with unshed tears was truly pitiful, making the bystander's hearts involuntarily clench for the victimized boy. Even Izumo considered giving him a chance, until…_

"_How could you, Rin?" Sheimi whispered, hugging her chest. Just like the girl before had done, taking precautions against her friend's greedy eyes. _

_Leaving a deflated Okumura in her wake, Sheimi walked off into the distant sunset, Izumo and Paku by her side._

* * *

**The Present-**

It had taken Rin a while to escape the students and their shrieks of, "Gah! He's looking up my skirt!", but he _had_ escaped. Now though, he was left to grovel in his own form of torture, going from smacking his head against the wall to mourning Sheimi.

Yes, Rin's social life was truly nearing its end.

Too bad this was only just the beginning.

* * *

**Hehe. Poor Rin. I'm not sure if I should keep this going, but eh, tell me what you think in a review? *puppy-dog eyes***


	2. Twincest

**Warning: This chapter may freak you out a bit…tell me if you're still sane when you finish it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ao No/Blue Exorcist. But send me a link of Kazue Kato ever talking about Okumuracest. I feel that it'll make me laugh.**

* * *

"Nii-san, _what _are you doing?"

Rin paused, mid-head slam, and let out a pitiful whimper. "Haven't you heard? The whole school thinks I'm a pervert!"

Yukio raised an eyebrow, questioning. "And you aren't?"

"Of course I am!" Rin growled, affronted. ""But I can't have the school knowing that!"

"And that's why you're putting a dent in our wall?" Yukio frowned, disapproving and scolding Rin. "From what I've heard, you should be out there apologizing to poor, traumatized Shiemi. You've hardly got the brain cells to spare as it is."

"I'm not stupid!" Rin scowled, glaring daggers at his younger, yet more mature, brother. "And-Wait a minute! It only happened a few hours ago! How do you-a secluded hermit-know about the…_incident!"_

Yukio shrugged off his exorcist's coat, hanging it neatly on the nearest hanger. "The grapevine is a dangerous and fast-working system, Nii-san. Nothing stays a secret."

"It wasn't that big of a deal!" Rin stomped his foot, pouting like the inner five-year old he was. "I wasn't dry-humping anyone! Now _that_ would be news!"

"Rin, you were carrying a _porn magazine_," Yukio stated, close to face-palming. "It was the middle of the day and you were going to dinner with three girls, while-I repeat-carrying a _porn magazine_!"

"But it wasn't mine!" Rin whined, flopping backwards onto his bed. "It was part of Shima's dirty stash! He's the _real _sicko here!"

"You were holding it, therefore it is seen as yours." Yukio dropped a pile of textbooks onto his desk. "Case closed."

Rin sighed, but said no more as his brother pulled out his various study materials. Last time he'd interrupted Yukio during his "study time", Rin had been locked out of the room for days.

Things went well for about thirty minutes, and Rin-despite his tendency to act like a weasel on drugs-managed to keep mostly quiet for his sake. That is, until he suddenly let out a pained groan, completely breaking Yukio's concentration.

"Rin…" Yukio said his name as if it was a euphemism for idiot-I-had-to-share-a-womb-with.

"I know, I know." Rin buried his face into his pillow, muffling his voice. "Either I shut up or get the hell out. We've been through this before."

"Actually," Yukio began, "I was going to ask if your bottom areas were bothering you again."

"You can say the word, you know." Rin peeped at his twin through one lazy, cerulean eye. "It's just a body part."

"Yes, but not one typically associated with a brother. Now tell me where it hurts."

Rin sighed, once again shutting his eyes. "The same place as always, and it's so hard to ignore because it's so _long and stiff_!"

Yukio sighed, slightly irritated that he'd lose study time. "I'll fix it."

The room was silent for a moment, the only sound being Yukio's soft, padding footsteps and the slight creak of the bed as he loomed above Rin, a leg on either side of his body.

Rin's wrinkled his noise, not bothering to look up as he said, "What are you going to do?"

"What I told you I would," Yukio replied, completely serious. "I'm planning on making you feel better."

"Who said I wanted you to?" Rin huffed.

"Alright, fine. I'll go back to studying then."

Yukio made as if to move off the bed, but before he could, Rin stopped him.

"Wait! I-I wouldn't _mind _if you did…it's just-just that-why do you have to be on top!?"

Yukio rolled his eyes, wondering why his twin had to make things so complicated. "Because I'm always on top and it wouldn't make sense the other way around. Now," He rolled up his sleeves, readying himself for the task to come, "Where should I start?"

* * *

**MEANWHILE:**

It always surprised Shima how forgetful the eldest Okumura could be. The cram school students had settled it with Rin that they would be going over to his home to study afterschool, but apparently he had forgotten and Shima was left with no choice except to pick the lock and get themselves in. This did not happen without Koneko's complaints of this being a rude lack of common courtesy.

Nevertheless, he had followed Shima and Suguro in as they stepped past the twin's threshold and wondered what to do about Rin's sexual fetishes. Shima still hadn't confessed to being the original owner to the _Dirty Nudist Daily _magazine. Nor was he planning to.

"Alright!" Bon, feeling himself to be the leader, clasped his hands and set out making orders. "Konekomaru takes this floor, I take the second, and Shima takes the third. Whoever finds the twins first, yells. Got it?"

"Aye, aye captain." Shima mock-saluted, marching off up the stairs. "We'll find those pesky Okumura's for you!"

"You better!" Scoffed Bon. "And when you do, I want you to slap Rin upside the head!"

With those final words of encouragement, the Kyoto trio went their own ways, wanting to find the boys as fast as possible.

They would be getting more than they bargained for.

* * *

Shima had just neared the twin's bedreem when he first heard the noises coming from behind their door. The sounds were a mixture of dying walrus noises and mating calls…actually, Shima was pretty sure it resembled something from a horny bunny documentary, of which he'd seen many.

Curious, Shima inched closer, finding himself drawn to whatever strange hobby it was that was being performed beyond his view. He figured it must've been pretty painful, considering the constant slamming that was echoing throughout the hall. If Shima had to describe it, he would say it was similar to that of a bed bumping rapidly against the wall, but…Rin and Yukio would never actually…toy with each other's manly packages? Would they?

Shima shook his head, forcing the downright wrong-and slightly erotic-thoughts out of his head.

_Nah, Okumura Sensei would never allow such a thing to happen. Just the other day I caught him staring at Sheimi's boobs! That's proof that he can't be gay for his brother! Right?_

Yet, for the sake of reassuring himself, Shima placed an ear over the bronze keyhole, expecting to find sounds that were nothing past the point of PG, but being very, _very _surprised.

There was panting. Lot's and lot's of rapid panting, and mewling. Most of this seemed like it was coming from Rin. And it didn't stop there. Oh, no!

Straining his hearing, Shima heard what could only be called desperate pleads for more. But more of what?

"_Yukio! How did you learn to do this? It feels so good!"_

Shima froze, hardly believing what was coming from his classmate's mouth. Rin's voice was brimming with pleasure, and for his brother! Is this what they did in their free time?! Sadistically watch each other writhing from under the other!? Shima was going to be sick.

"_Experience," Yukio replied, eliciting another long and delicious moan from his elder. "Mostly because of Shura. She likes it rough."_

"_Ah! Ohhhhh! We-well I don't! Slow down! You're shoving too deep!"_

"_Relax Nii-san. I know what I'm doing." _Another Squeal from Rin. _"I'm going to push harder on this side, is that okay?"_

"_Dammit, Yukio! Just hurry up and do it already! I'm not going to rip in half!"_

"_Alright. On the count of one…two…three!"_

"_GAH! Yuki-Yukioooo! That-That's amazing!" _By now, the young half-demon seemed to have trouble forming his words. Shima could only imagine the state their mattress was in. _"Do it harder! And don't stop! Whatever you do, don't stop!"_

"_I thought you _wanted _me to stop," Yukio teased._

"_Shut up!" _A gasp."_Oh-oh fuck! You're so good at this! Can we do it again tomorrow?" _

Shima had had enough. If he didn't find a playboy magazine soon, he was going to die. The only thing keeping him sane was the thought of boobs. Yes, that would surely help ease his poor, traumatized-and disturbingly perverted-mind.

Jumping into action, Shima hurriedly made a run for the staircase, already coming up with excuses as to why he hadn't found the twins.

Yes, he would tell everyone that the Okumura's were nowhere to be found, if only to save poor Koneko's innocence. Shima wasn't usually the superhero type, but this was something he had to keep his friends from witnessing. It was his duty as the third wheel!

Too busy planning out the rescue of his friend's mental happiness, Shima didn't notice that Bon had appeared directly in front of him until it was too late. Before he knew it, Shima crashed head on into his elder, emitting a manly grunt.

"Shima!" Bon leaned against the wall, keeping himself from falling to the floor. "Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry…Hey, wait. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on the top floor?" Shima asked, suddenly growing even more nervous than before.

Oh well, if the situation got any more worrisome, Shima would simply jump out of the nearest window and hope for the best.

"I was, but I thought I'd check here too. Have you found them yet?"

"NO!" Shima panicked, seeing Bon's suspicious expression. "They're not home!"

"Really?" Bon crossed his arms, staring down his pink-haired friend. "Then what's that noise I hear coming from across the hall?"

"Nothing!" Shima coughed, growing more flustered by the second. "What I meant to say was it's the sex! Wait, no, rats! I mean…the rats are having sex! Yeah, that's what you're hearing!"

"I don't believe you," Bon stated. "I'm getting the twins."

Pushing past Shima, Bon headed towards the source of all the banging sounds, completely ignoring the boy's pleads.

"Wait! No, don't go in there!"

"I'll do what I want," Bon replied. "I think Okumura is starting to rub off on you."

"STOP!" Throwing away any ounce of dignity he had left, Shima ran forwards and clamped onto Bon's leg. Little did he know that it was too late.

Flinging open the door, Bon stepped into what could only be described as his worst nightmare.

On the bed were the two brothers…who hadn't yet realized that they had an audience. This was worse than the time Shima had walked in on a friend's naked grandmother.

"_Grind it harder Yukio!" _Rin was lying face down, mouth wide open and gasping for air, as his younger twin straddled his shirtless and shaking body. _"OH! I think I'm going to-"_

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"

Time seemed to stop the moment Bon opened his mouth. Shima ran out into the hall, presumably feeling ill, while the remaining three boys stayed frozen in place.

Yukio, ever the brains of the group, was the first to make a move. Realizing how the situation between him and his brother looked, he calmly got off the bed and composed himself before speaking. "Now, Suguro, I know this must look a bit strange, but I can assure you that this is not what it looks like."

"Damn right it better not be what it looks like!" Suguro growled, coming out of his stupor. "You can't just go around having sex with your brother!"

Yukio pinched the bridge of his nose, ready to explain, when he was interrupted by his much too nosy twin…and that was never a good thing.

"What?!" Finally understanding the predicament he was in, Rin shot up in his bed. "I wasn't banging Yukio! He was just giving me a back and tail massage!"

"Huh?" Suguro blanched, blinking repeatedly until he was sure he could think straight. "A massage?"

"Yeah, you idiot!" Rin replied, crossing his arms. "My back got messed up in training with Shura, and Yukio was making me feel better!"

Not trusting Rin, Suguro turned to the youngest of the Okumura's. "Is this true?"

Yukio nodded his head and opened his mouth to agree with his brother, but was stopped when Rin decided to butt in at that exact moment with a statement that would change everything. If only he had kept quiet for thirty seconds more, his nightmare would have ended _much _sooner.

"I'm telling the truth! You don't need to ask the moley four-eyes!" Rin snapped. "Heck, I actually thought it was kinda nice of him considering I set fire to his glasses collection!"

Again, everything froze for the occupants of the room. Only this time, the silence that permeated the atmosphere was colder, and more ominous, the source being the one and only Okumura Yukio.

Slowly, and with an eerie sense of calm, Yukio turned his head toward Rin and simply stared. "What did you say…Nii-san?"

Rin gulped, feeling uncomfortable under Yukio's menacing gaze. "You didn't know?"

"No," Yukio said, still unmoving. "I didn't. Care to explain?"

"I-I was…" Rin looked around the room, trying to find an escape, but nearly yelped when he saw that they were, in fact, no longer the only people in the room. Shima had returned, and at his side were the four people Rin least wanted to see. All with their eyes on Rin, were Shiemi, Izumo, Konekomaru, and (surprisingly) Takara.

Ignoring the presence of more people, Yukio took a step towards Rin. "Out with it. How in the world did you manage to set fire to all my glasses?"

"I-" Rin coughed. "I was playing with Kuro the other day and…er…I forgot to put out my flame…when I-um-bumped into your desk and _accidentally_ may have burst it to flames." Seeing Yukio's expression, Rin quickly backtracked, trying and failing to lighten the situation. "But I saved everything else! And look, I even got you a new desk that looks exactly the same! You forgive me, right Yukio?"

For a second, the young teacher remained completely stoic, an evil glint flashing through his colored eyes. Momentarily, Rin forgot his fear, and felt genuine worry for his brother.

"Hey, Yukio, are you okay?" He asked.

No answer.

"Yukio?"

Until, out of nowhere, said Dragoon burst into tears and pointed an accusing finger at Rin. "You-you monster! How dare you try and distract Suguro from the _real _situation at hand!?"

Rin's jaw fell completely slack, and a comical, if not somewhat dumbstruck look, crossed his face. "Whaaaaaaaa-"

Still bearing that devious emotion in his eyes that apparently only Rin could see, Yukio turned his watery face to the group behind them and pretended that he was in pain. "Nii-san was ly-lying. He-he tricked me into-into taking part in his incestuous fantasies in order to…to fuel his sexual needs!"

At this, Yukio broke down sobbing, and much to Rin's dismay, Shiemi ran forward and pulled him into a warm embrace. "There, there Yuki-Chan! Let it all out!"

Immediately taking his brother's side, the esquires crowded around Yukio and formed a barrier to protect him from the malicious eyes of Rin.

"First, you mentally scar Paku and Moriyama and _now_ you're forcing our Sensei to partake in twincest!?" Izumo was practically shaking with rage. "How dare you call yourself a Knight?!"

"I never agree with _her_, but this is too far!" Bon growled. "Even for you!"

"But I-I never did anything!" Feeling a sense of déjà vu, Rin scowled and glared at Yukio who was smirking at him behind Shiemi's shoulder. The bastard. "_He's _the one who's lying! He was on top of _me_! How do you explain that?!"

Not missing a beat, Yukio got rid of his smug look before anyone, but Rin could notice and stepped back from Shiemi. "You made me! You said that unless I was the seme, you'd go after Izumo-whom you referred to as Eyebrows-and seduce her instead! I, being the gentlemen I am, was willing to sacrifice myself for the safety of my student!"

"What!?" Rin spat. "That's a total lie, Four-Eyes, and you know it!"

He was so overcome with anger, that Rin didn't notice Izumo summoning her familiars and giving them orders to attack him, earning herself a nod of approval from Takara's puppet.

"Hey, idiot!"

Knowing Izumo was referring to him, Rin turned around. "What?"

"I got you a present!" She pointed Mike and Uke in Rin's direction, surprising even Yukio. "You never try to seduce Kamiki Izumo and get away with it!"

With that being her battle cry, the Byakko were unleashed, wanting to defend their maiden from the half-demon before them, hardly giving him time to fight back.

* * *

_Needless to say, Rin's life had taken quite the unfortunate plummet downhill._

* * *

**This is probably going to be one of the few fics I write that is mainly humor. If it even counts, since most of this is just sexual jokes. Oh well.**

**Tell me what you think!**


	3. Talk Dirty to Me

**Been a while, ne?** **But here's an update so have fun.**

**This chapter was very torturous to write BTW…you'll find out why.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I own the story so shhhh.**

* * *

Kamiki Izumo was definitely someone to be reckoned with when angry, and thanks to Yukio's little trick, Rin was able to learn that firsthand. He'd escaped the incident with only a few minor bruises, and even though it was Yukio who'd stopped Kamiki out of pity, Rin couldn't forgive him.

His brother had gone too far, and the possibility of dying a virgin was too much for him to handle.

_Click!_

Rin grabbed Kurikara, thinking it was Iz-Kamiki-San coming back for a second round.

He crossed his legs for good measure, just in case she wanted to fulfill her promise of castrating him.

The door to his room slowly cracked open, but rather than Kamiki, the person who stuck their head in was Shima holding a white flag of truce. That is, if a used tissue hanging on a toothpick even counted as a real flag.

"What are you doing here?" Rin narrowed his eyes, holding his sword like a baseball bat. "Kamiki didn't send you, did she?"

Shima's eyes went downcast and he sighed, throwing his tissue flag over his shoulder and hitting some stray cat. "She won't even talk to me anymore."

Rin relaxed his grip a little, feeling Shima's dejected aura from across the room. "Why? You didn't do anything."

This time, Shima was the one who glared at Rin. "Apparently you bagged on me and told her that the magazine was mine, so now she won't even look at me. Whatever happened to friendship?!"

"But it was!"

"Yeah, but it wasn't my fault that you carried it around with you!" Shima retorted.

Rin frowned, having not thought of that before. Sure, it was Shima who'd given him the thing in the first place, but it was never his intention for Rin to waltz around flashing it. In the end, the blame was split in half between the two of them, and therefore the both of them must suffer because of it.

Rin dropped his sword next to him and pouted. "So, what? You came here to rub it in?"

Shima inched forward now that Rin wasn't ready to throw some punches.

"No," he shook his head. "Actually, I came to give you a proposal."

"A proposal?" Rin furrowed his eyebrows. "Then you'd better have one hell of a ring, or you can count me out."

"Haha, man. Very funny." Shima grinned. "Actually, this is about Yukio."

Hearing his brother's name, Rin growled. "Don't even mention him. Just you wait! Tomorrow he's going to wake up to find his underwear drawer in ashes!"

Shima rolled his eyes, trying to be patient with his impulsive friend. "While that's great and all, I think that'll only make your situation worse. You needa do something better…and preferably not flammable."

"Well, what else can I do?" Whined Rin. "He's got everyone backing him up…including Shiemi."

"Not everyone." Shima puffed out his chest proudly, and flashed another smile. "You've got me."

Rather than being relieved, the half-demon groaned and shoved his face into his pillow. "See! Like I said, I've got no one!"

"Ah, then I guess you don't want to hear my super-awesome plan to bring down Sensei." Shima sighed, bringing a hand to his forehead in a dramatic gesture. "Alas, you'll be doomed to spend the rest of your life locked up in your dorm…and you know what that means, right?"

"I'll become a NEET?"

"Even worse," Shima leaned in, as if to share a dark secret. "No more sukiyaki."

Rin looked horrified, even more so than when he nearly stepped in Kuro's dung. Out of everything he'd expected as a consequence, he'd never once thought of this terrifying idea.

"But-but Yukio could buy the ingredients and I-"

Shima cut off his friend. "Do you really think Okumura-Sensei will have enough mercy to buy you expensive meat?"

"Then-Then I'll order it!"

Again, the pink-haired boy shook his head. "No restaurant is going to deliver to this location."

Rin gulped, trying once more to solve his dilemma. "We're friends, right? Can't you buy-"

"_Dude!_ Who do you think I am? I can't afford that."

Rin gasped, scooting into the wall and rocking back and forth.

A world without sukiyaki was a world much too brutal for him to live in. He'd take on Amaimon any day, heck, he'd even let Mephisto give him the makeover he'd been bugging him about lately, but please, _please _don't take away his favorite dish!

Before Rin knew it, he was sucking on his thumb, face wet with tears, and lips trembling from the mere thought of losing his beloved.

Oh, how cruel life could be!

Shima's eyes widened at the state Rin had gone into in the span of only four seconds. He had to tell him his idea, lest it be too late to save his melodramatic chum.

"Hey, relax!" Shima shook Rin's shoulders, trying to rouse him from his stupor. "I told you, I have a plan!"

Still not fully recovered, Rin glanced hopelessly at Shima. "What do you have in mind?"

Shima placed a hand on Rin's shoulder and leered, looking almost as evil as Yukio.

"_We make the problem a thousand time worse. Starting tomorrow, you're going to become your brother's worst nightmare."_

Rin swore he heard lightning.

* * *

Yukio had chosen to sleep over at the boy's dorms with the Kyoto trio. He knew all too well that allowing himself to sink into his most vulnerable state in front of Rin, would only end in him waking up to chaos.

It was by sheer generosity that he'd been allowed to stay with his students. Even outside of the classroom, he didn't get on with them as much as he could, and he would've expected it to be more awkward than it turned out to be.

Thankfully, they overlooked his position for the night and let him be, even lending him a pair of Suguro's pajamas.

It almost made him want to stay a little while longer, but he knew that it'd be wrong to take advantage of their hospitality. He had to check up on Rin, if only to make sure he didn't blow up their home.

Hmmm…_Rin._

Walking towards the abandoned dorms, Yukio allowed himself a smirk.

He had to admit that his little prank was very amusing. Nii-San was almost always let off the hook, but not this time. Enough was enough. His brother needed to learn to respect his property, no matter how harshly he was taught that lesson.

Sure, Yukio felt a bit guilty, but he'd reveal the truth in a day or two so there was really nothing major to worry about. For now, he could just marvel at the fact that this time Nii-San hadn't gotten away with it.

He was finally getting his punishment, and wow, did it feel _good_.

Yukio went over to the kitchen, and seeing that Rin was already there, he grinned even wider.

"Tadaima," He said, a hint of laughter in his voice.

As he set his book bag on a rung, he readied himself for Rin's angry reply, but to his surprise, only received a bright smile and an, "Okaeri", in return.

Yukio narrowed his eyes for the briefest moment.

This was not the type of greeting he was expecting. To his knowledge, the last time he'd seen Rin, he'd been furious and vengeful. This reaction made no sense.

To add to his confusion, Rin waved him over to take a seat on the dining table and said, "It's six. You got here right on time for dinner!"

"Dinner." Yukio deadpanned.

"Yeah, dinner!" Rin pulled out his chair and grabbed Yukio's hand. "Sit down, I've got everything ready…_Otouto._"

Yukio's eyes widened in horror. He hadn't held hands with Rin in years.

His brother was much too close to him, barely an inch away. What's more, his breath was minty, his hair was actually combed down, and if he wasn't mistaken…he was wearing chapstick.

Rin forced him into his seat, running a finger down his chest. He leaned down, and spoke, but Yukio was far too distracted by the breath tickling his face to understand a word.

With a wink, Rin turned gracefully, his tail caressing Yukio's face in the process, and made his way to the kitchen. Even then, he made sure to sway his hips side to side in a hypnotic gesture.

He almost looked like Shakira.

_His hips don't lie._

Yukio shook his head, getting rid of the weird thoughts coursing through his mind. He had to pull himself together…but how could he when his brother was scaring the living daylights out of him?

As if the very thought of his brother was a keyword, Rin emerged with a dining cart covered in red cloth-the color of passion. Even from this distance, Yukio could see the strange light in his eyes, as if his blue flames were dancing within them.

"Are you hungry, Yukio?" Rin pulled off the cloth and revealed an arrangement of Western and Japanese-style foods. "Because I sure am."

Yukio gulped, dying on the inside as Rin set the table, adding rose petals and candles to the mix.

"Ah, Nii-San, is this about the incident earlier?" Yukio started. "If it is, then-"

"Shh," Rin shut Yukio down with a chocolate-covered strawberry. "Just relax. I forgive you."

"Ywou dwo?"

Rin nodded, cleaning off the chocolate from Yukio's mouth with his thumb, and slowly licking it off.

He groaned. "Mm. They came out better than I thought."

Yukio simply nodded, scooting farther into his chair and attempting to eat in peace. This proved to be a lot harder than he thought, because the entire time, he was being watched with hooded eyes.

"I think we need a better mood," Rin commented at one point, much to Yukio's absolute horror.

He was about to decline, but with a snap of his fingers, Rin had ordered Ukobach to leave them in complete darkness, with only the candles as light.

By this point, Yukio was highly uncomfortable and ready to high-tail it out of there, but again, Rin had to butt in and suggest something else.

"You seem tense," Rin snapped his fingers again, ordering his partner-in-cooking to put the background music.

**_Jason_**

**_Jason Derulo_**

**_Get jazzy on it_**

Yukio swallowed hard, knowing a good amount of English to know what song this was.

"I think you need a massage to relax."

Yukio jumped up, grinning nervously. "There's no need, I'm-"

Rin pushed him down, _hard. _"Are you trying to get away from me?"

No answer.

"Hmm, I guess you're just tired." Rin handed his brother a glass of cold water. "Or _thirsty._"

**_Been around the world, don't speak the language_**

**_But your booty don't need explaining _**

**_All I really need to understand is_**

Yukio dropped his glass, spilling it all over him.

_What was up with Rin?!_

"Oh no, now you're _wet_!" Rin cooed, grabbing a rag, gently dabbing his shirt, going lower and lower until-

**_When you Talk Dirty to Me_**

Yukio grabbed his arm.

**_Talk Dirty to Me_**

**_Talk Dirty to Me_**

"Aw, are you nervous, Otouto?" Rin pouted pressing his hands into his brother's shoulders. "You should feel more calm around me. We are, _brothers _after all."

"I-I'm not nervous."

Rin lowered his face directly in front of Yukio's, wearing the strangest expression. "Then if you're not nervous, what are you?"

**_Talk Dirty to Me_**

**_Get jazzy on it_**

Yukio cringed.

_Terrified,_ he thought.

"Do you want something?" Rin tilted his head to the side. "Tell me and I'll give it to you."

Coming to a blank, Yukio didn't know what else to do, but push Rin away. "Um, Nii-San, I-uh-gotta go to sleep. Thanks for the meal."

Rin frowned. "But we haven't even gotten to the dessert…It's the best part."

**_I got lipstick stamps on my passport_**

**_I think I need a new one_**

"Um, more for you then!" Yukio answered, slowly walking backwards towards escape.

He planned on walking calmly to his room, but when he saw Rin take a step forward, he squealed and ran up the stairs.

"Alright then!" Rin waved, wiggling his fingers. "See you tomorrow, _Yuki-Chan!_"

**_Get jazzy on it_**

* * *

_The moment Yukio was out of sight, Rin gagged._

"_That was the grossest thing I've ever done in my life."_

* * *

**It seems Yukio's going to suffer just as much as Rin…do you have an idea of what Shima's plan was?**

**If not, take a guess. ;) **

**Bye! Until next time. :D**


	4. Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT: **

**Hey guys! I've got something to tell you…I'm going on hiatus. Not for a long time (depending on how you see it), but for a month or so. This goes for all my stories, so don't be surprised if you read my other stuff and see this. But yes, I need to focus on real-life projects. Don't worry though! When I say hiatus, yes I mean not updating for thirty days, but I also mean that I'll still be writing when I can. So don't be amazed if when it's over there's a ton of updates. Kind of good, kind of bad, but there you go. **

**Goodbye for now!**

**(I'll take this off when I'm back.)**


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